This past week Sophie had her first day camp. I signed her up for a Frozen dance camp through her dance studio and she loved it. It was Monday thru Friday, 9:30 to 11:30 am. The first day I dropped her off she was so excited she did not even say bye to me in fact I was more nervous than she was. Anyway she made a craft each day and they practiced a dance routine to perform for us the last day of her camp.

Wednesday the 17th Stewart's work had a welcome picnic for all the new incoming residents. There is always lots of food and a few games to play while we mingle and get to know one another. This year Sophie was old enough to participate in the watermelon eating contest. She had a lot of fun and was happy she got to eat watermelon! 

On Thursday the 18^th I had my first doctor’s appointment for our pregnancy at 11 weeks.  I made arrangements with a friend to trade babysitting, she watched Sophie all Thursday afternoon and I took her daughter all day Friday. Anyway at my appointment the doctor could not find the heartbeat but he was not worried since his Doppler was really old. So he ordered an ultrasound to be done across the street.  I went across the street and set up my ultra sound to be done the next day at 4:30 pm and then went and got Sophie. I also called Stewart and told him what was going on so he said to come to the clinic where he was and he would try to find the heartbeat with his newer Doppler.

At the clinic Stewart could not find the heartbeat or see the baby with his Ultrasound machine, it was at that point that I knew something was wrong. When I got home I noticed I was spotting and then I really knew things were looking grim. That night I told Stewart and we started praying for a miracle, he also gave me a priesthood blessing and then we turned everything over to God as hard as it was to do.

By Friday morning I was bleeding bad and had bad cramps all day. At one point I called Stewart and told him I hurt so bad I thought I should go to the ER, he told me to take some Tylenol first and then to call him if that did not help and if I still thought I should go to the ER. I was babysitting my friend’s daughter as planned so really going to the ER would have been hard to do. Once the Tylenol started working I was able to do more than lie on the couch in the fetal position.

At about 3:30 my friend came and got her daughter and took Sophie as well so that Stewart and I could go to our Ultrasound appointment alone. Stewart was able to come with me which was a blessing because he had a scheduled resident retreat starting at 5 pm that night through Sunday morning. At our appointment we learned that we were indeed miscarrying, and that our baby had never truly formed correctly. We were heartbroken as we left and spent a few minutes in the parking lot coming to grips with what we had just learned. This baby we had hoped for, longed for, and prayed for, for more than four years was never going to be born healthy and we would never be able to hold it. It was truly devastating news for us.

We went and got Sophie and decided the best time to tell her was then so we stopped at the green way and went for a family walk. We told her the news expecting her to be sad and disappointed but all she said was; “Oh, I guess we will just have to pray for another baby” and that was it. I am grateful she was understanding, it would have finished my broken heart if she would have been more grieved by our news.  

Because Stewart knew I was not doing well, he decided to stay home from his planed resident retreat to help me out with Sophie and other things. That night I miscarried the baby after a long bout of painful cramping. It was a horrible experience and the most pain I have ever felt pain I hope to never have to repeat. I was so grateful Stewart stayed with me; I needed his help and words of comfort and his companionship during that difficult ordeal. By the next morning I was feeling better physically and knew the worst was behind me so I took Sophie to a Birthday party and sent Stewart to his resident retreat all while faking it emotionally.

I am sad to say we did not do much in honor of Stewart on today for Father’s Day as I was not feeling well enough to do much more than a little here and there. We did make him a card and I wrote him a note of love and appreciation for his help over the weekend but that is all we were able to do.

In conclusion, we are heartbroken but I know we will be okay. I have prayed for the ability to have faith enough to keep going and to put my trust in God’s plan for us. Stewart gave me a priesthood blessing after we miscarried and in the blessing he asked that I be able to find deep peace, the kind of peace only the Savior can bring. While I am sad about all that has happened I do feel this blessing coming to pass, I know He is aware of me; He loves me and will help me find peace, but for now I plan on taking one day at a time. 

We finally told Sophie she was going to be a big sister in January, she is VERY excited! She wants to talk about it all the time and tell me how excited she is so we came up with a sign we could do in public that means “I am really excited about the baby”, the sign is made by patting your hand over your heart two or three times. She will make a great big sister, it may take a little training to give the baby some space but in the end I am positive she will be a great big sister.

This past week we traveled to Idaho, to visit families and for Stewart to go to a Job interview in Burly, ID We left early May 30^th and drove to Bruneau, ID to spend some time with my parents and sisters. It was a nice visit and it was good to see everyone, I don’t think Stewart has seen my family since November of 2013. Sophie and her only cousin Bridon had as much fun as they could together since he is one and she is 4. My Dad set up a nice playground set in the back yard, and Sophie had a blast playing at “Grandpa’s Park”. 

We let Sophie make the announcement that we were expecting to my family when we were all together for dinner one night. They are all excited for us and it was fun to see their facial expressions in person since last time we told everyone through Skype. 

On Sunday evening we drove to Mountain Home and met up with Stewart’s Brother Alex and his wife Anne at a city park. Alex and Anne recently moved to Meridian, ID for Alex’s job so it was easier for us to catch up with them by meeting in the middle. Stewart and I had a good visit with them and enjoyed hearing about all of their new adventures. Anne is pregnant and due in October (same as time as my sister Emily). They seem to be doing well and Stewart was able to share our good news with them too. It will be fun to have cousins on both sides of the family close in age. 

On Monday Stewart and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary! We actually spent the day working on our car which was our main reason for going to my parent’s house, we wanted to take some parts off the car I wrecked and put them on the car we have now since it is the same make and model. We took the hitch off the first car and put it on the second car, traded the radio out, and a few other things. My dad was very instrumental in all of this since he had all the tools and the knowhow, I am so grateful for my father and his willingness to help us out.

Stewart’s job interview was scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday so we left Bruneau and drove 3 hours to Pocatello to drop Sophie off with his grandparents, Raymond and Carrol Hudson, who were in charge of driving Sophie to Idaho Falls to Juan and Camille’s house where Sophie had her first overnight sleepover without her parents. After we dropped Sophie off Stewart and I then drove back to Burley for Stewart’s Interview with Intermountain Health Care group.

When we got to Burley we took a tour of the town with a realtor. She showed us the town and some up and coming newer sub divisions (which neither of us liked) and then shared with us some of the history and community activities that happen in the area. I don’t know about Stewart but I found myself feeling like I would be ok to settle down and raise our family there. It was small and charming, and had a lot of fun history to it. Stewart got car sick while we were on the tour so we went back to the hotel earlier than planned for him to rest up before our dinner engagement with other medical professionals that evening.

Dinner was at a Stake House called Morey’s, it was a nice ritzy place for Burley. The Doctors that came were kind and I was grateful they brought their wives along. We were able to hear a lot about the town from them and I was able to ask a lot of my questions regarding things on my list. Stewart was also able to ask sincere questions about the job and the medical field. We both came away feeling positive about what we learned.

The next day, I dropped Stewart off at the hospital for his interview and then I drove to Jerome to meet up with my sister Emily and see her new house. We had a good visit and then drove to Twin Falls where we did some shopping and then met up for lunch with Margie before I needed to head back to Burley to pick up Stewart. Once I picked up Stewart we drove to Idaho Fall where we planned to meet up with Sophie and spend the rest of the week with Stewart’s family.

Stewart had a good interview; there are some things that we need to wait on before we will know for sure if this is the right job for him. But we both feel peaceful about the area and can see ourselves living there. We won’t know much more for a few more months still, but it was a positive experience.

Once in Eastern Idaho we were able to enjoy spending time with Stewart’s family. Again we had Sophie announce she was going to be a big sister while most everyone was gathered together. Again everyone was happy for us. Sophie was in heaven with her cousins Sam and Blaz. Sam and Sophie seemed to play really well together and were buddies most of the time. Juan and Camille were kind enough to let us stay with them again, and this time I did not offer to mow their lawn or help out because I always seem to cause more problems than intended.

On Friday we went to the Rexburg Temple, while there I almost passed out during the session but I pulled through without actually passing out like I did back in 2010 while pregnant with Sophie. We spend the rest of the day at Stewart’s parents visiting.

On Saturday, we drove back to Cheyenne. It was a long drive but we made safely. Now we are working on getting ourselves back into our routines. We look forward to the day we are closer to our families and won’t have to take such a long drive to see everybody.  How blessed we are tough to have our sweet families and their support without them it would be hard. Thanks to everyone for hosting us and making us feel loved and welcome. HUGS!